Writers, welcome to The Resistance

Denver's East Colfax Avenue has no "Cowboy Crossing" signs.

But I stopped anyway to let two cowboys cross in the middle of the street. It was growing dark, snow spat from the Colorado sky. As the two cowboys in black hats sprinted across the street, one limped along and one waved his thanks.

I returned the wave and motored to my destination. It's Stock Show time in Denver. Cowboys from Hugo in Colorado and Greybull in Wyoming swarmed the town. By day, they rodeoed and exhibited prize bulls and spectated. At night, they hunted down good eats on Colfax.

Cowboy: Where can I find a good restaurant?
Denver person: Try Colfax. But beware of the hipsters.
Cowboy: What's a hipster?
Denver person: You'll see.

I saw a few hipsters at the Writers Resist reading at the Lighthouse Writers Workshop just off of Colfax on Race Street. No cowboys, though, at least none wearing cowboy hats. As one of the readers pointed out, it was good to see all of us introverts out and about on a winter Sunday night.

Some in the 100-plus crowd in the basement grotto were writers. Some were not. We attended because we objected to what was happening in our country during the third week on January 2017. A demagogue was getting sworn in an president. We never dreamed we would see this day. Maybe that was part of the problem. We never dreamed, as Martin Luther King, Jr., did. We complained. We wrote. We blogged. Many of us, but not all, voted. Somehow we didn't work hard enough to keep a guy like Trump from being president.

Writers Resist was formed after the election by writer Erin Belieu who teaches in the M.F.A. program at Florida State University. I am a product of an M.F.A. writing program (Colorado State University) and have a weakness for MFAers, especially when they are social activists. Writers tend to be liberals. So do Liberal Arts academics. Maybe that's why the wingnuts hate us so much and want to send us all to re-education camps. We are products of a liberal education system, in my case, a series of community colleges and land-grant universities most of which feature football teams subsidized by citrus barons (my Florida Gators) or by robber barons such as the Koch Brothers. If you look at a list of alumni of any land-grant university, and you see names of military leaders and corporate CEOs and Republican politicians, you might be tempted to wonder why universities aren't hotbeds of rabid wingnuts instead of breeding grounds for social activists. As it turns out, most campuses include righties and lefties and people who don't give a shit. College students voted for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump and anyone else who managed to get on the ballot. You can just as easily blame Trump on the Sigma Nu at CU as you can the laid-off factory worker in Wisconsin.

I digress. Writers Resist in Denver was one of more than 100 similar events happening all over the world. I was in Denver because I was taking my daughter Annie to some medical appointments. I'm retired so I have the time and inclination to do these things. I drag my kids to these events, just as the young Hispanic couple who sat in front of us did last night. Two young parents, two well-behaved children. An all-American family.

The writers were a diverse bunch. Teow Lim Goh read from her first book of poems, Islanders, from Conundrum Press. I listened to her poems and they spoke to me. Not because I am Chinese but because I also come from immigrants. They also had to go through an island -- Ellis Island -- to be admitted to this country. In the case of the Chinese, it was Angel Island in San Francisco Bay. Chinese immigrants faced additional barriers that my Irish forebears did not -- color and language (some Irish spoke Gaelic). The writer addresses this issue in the poem "Daydreams." In it, a white bureaucrat walks to work every day "past a sea of yellow faces,/their worries creased into their brows." At work, he looks at immigrant files, "the tales inside just words to him." Yet, as he looks at the photograph of a potential Chinese immigrant, this happens:

In her eyes he sees his mother
fleeing a homeland plagued by famine,
huddled on Ellis Island.

That hurts. Irish-Americans worked hard to assimilate. The first generation born in the U.S., such as my own mother, spoke English like a native and, with her all-American good looks, rarely ever was called a dirty Mick or a redneck Catholic, all terms Denver Nativists flung at Irish-Catholics. Even though my family name was changed from O'Shea to Shay either at Ellis Island or in my great-great-grandfather's attempt to fit in, we Shays eventually blended in and could become suburban Republicans who look on people of color as "the other," people to be feared and possibly banished.

Why I love poetry, good writing of all kinds. It makes me think and feel. I can become the other. If that is true, can I imagine myself as the other, that guy driving the big black pick-up with the Trump bumper sticker I followed today down the snowy interstate? I hope I can. Our future as a nation may depend on that.

Meanwhile, the writers stood up and read at Writers Resist. David J. Daniels wrote about growing up gay. His book, Clean, is published by Four Way Books. Emily Perez read a long poem, "My Father Quotes Jaime Escalante," from her book Backyard Migration Route. Khadijah Queen read June Jordan's "Poem About My Rights." and a poem about sexual harassment from her new book, I'm So Fine: A List of Famous Men &and What I Had On. Army combat veteran Seth Brady Tucker read a selection from Claudia Rankine's Citizen and a short piece about his struggle, as a soldier, to take a college course that meant he could become the "educated other" in his unit. Alejandra Garza wrapped up the night with a presentation about her organization, the Colorado ACLU, and why it is important for these times.

Annie and I each bought a book and had it signed by the authors. We drove home on the lookout for cowboys, but saw none crossing the road in the dark city night.

To contribute or volunteer for the Colorado ACLU, go to http://aclu-co.org
To contribute or volunteer for the Wyoming ACLU, go to https://www.aclu-wy.org

Past and present meet in my old Aurora neighborhood

Last week, I stood on the disappeared foundation of my old house in Aurora's Hoffman Heights. I thought about the past but gazed out upon the future.

First, the past. I was a pre-schooler when my father bought his first house in 1954 for $8,000 with no money down and a low interest rate. Like thousands of other World War II vets, he received benefits from his grateful government. He was a college grad, thanks to the G.I. Bill. My dad had a job as Denver's businesses boomed, thanks to an influx of GIs who trained in Colorado and had discovered its possibilities.

Hoffman Heights was one of Denver's first suburbs. First called Hoffman Town, after developer Sam Hoffman, it consisted of 1,700 houses on 44 acres between Colfax and Sixth avenues. Many Baby Boomers were born in the neighborhood, flooding into new schools such as Vaughn Elementary, which is still there and looking much as it did when I started kindergarten in 1956. In September 1955, residents were excited because the President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower, recuperated from a major heart attack at Fitzsimons Army Hospital across Colfax from the neighborhood. You could walk out on your front lawn, if grass seed had sprouted during your first summer, and see the lights of Room 8002. The president was in the house! The supreme allied commander who had led us to victory over the Nazis and now was whipping up on the commies. You had a job, a house, a car, and a growing family. Your neighbors were white like you with similar backgrounds. There were exceptions. The guy next door was kind of a redneck. He kept rabbits in a backyard hutch and slaughtered them while children watched in horror. We shared a fence with the mother of Jane Russell, the Hollywood star. My mother's hospital co-worker, Jeep from Alabama (I swear that was her name) didn't come over any more because my mother insisted on being civil to the black nurse who recently joined the staff. There was a "funny" kid in the neighborhood, an older kid who our parents didn't want us to play with. He insisted on hanging with us little kids, which made him more creepy than funny.

Memory is an odd thing. Only some parts of this may be true/. My memory center is aging and isn't what it used to be. My parents are both gone. My brother Dan is gone. My sister Molly doesn't remember much, as she was a baby during most of the years we lived on Worchester. The Internet helps me look up old stories about the neighborhood. But there is no section in Cyberspace called "Mike's Memories." I'm on my own.

What can I say about growing up the 1950s suburbs in Middle America? I felt safe and loved. I walked to school with a zillion other kids. I walked the neighborhood with the same kids on Halloween. We collected candy and the parents collected cocktails and were pretty looped by the time we all got home. Nobody thought of taking X-rays of the collected candy. Christmas brought coonskin caps and hula hoops. Summer brought games of tag and kick the can.

Memories are similar for millions of American Baby Boomers. I am retired, alas, and many conversations I have with fellow Boomers at the YMCA or the coffee shop, harken back to those halcyon days. They are mostly white, too, as Wyoming is overwhelmingly Caucasian and conservative. Many of them voted for Donald Trump in an attempt to "Make America Great Again."  What they wish for is a return to the reality that exists only in their flawed memories.

Cut to the present in Aurora. Some of the houses, including mine, and old strip malls have been leveled for hotels, such as the Hyatt Regency Conference Center and Springhill Suites at the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus.. The latter is the one we stay in when visiting our daughter, who lives in an adjacent neighborhood. Across six-lane Colfax is the medical campus, which employs 21,000 people. It is home to one of the country's premier children's hospitals, the CU Medical Center, and a number of research facilities. Located in their midst is the old Fitzsimons Army Hospital, now the complex's administration building. At night, you can look to the east and see the lights of a new RTD light rail stop that spans Colfax and is adjacent to I-225. Also to the east, on the fringe of the old neighborhood, rises the skeleton of a brand new condo complex that features an interior parking garage. Nearby brick apartment complexes, other relics from the 50s and 60s, now bill themselves as "apartment homes" and advertise "move-in specials." Houses in the old neighborhood are again selling, a relief to the old-timers who thought that they never would sell their houses in this now-seedy enclave. The city of Aurora even offers grants for fix-up and clean-up projects in the neighborhood, getting it ready for future resident who may even be hospital residents or physicians or nurses or researchers. They come from all over the world, so the new neighborhood will also be a mix of Kenyans, and Syrians and Chinese and Brazilians. The multi-ethnic mix that makes up any American city.

Aurora is not Denver, where only 18 percent of residents voted for Trump. Aurora is more suburban and conservative, but still part of the Denver metroplex, which is blue, and Colorado, also blue. As a state, it will be an outpost for resistance to Trump's extremist agenda. It will be a battle in a state known for its legal marijuana and craft beers but also for its Sagebrush Rebellion and long-time distrust of big government.

Wyoming is what Colorado was. Some Denverites have had enough and are moving to Laramie and Cheyenne. Or even north along the I-25 corridor to Loveland, Greeley and Fort Collins. Cheyenne is growing. Many Wyomingites refer to it as "north Denver," consider it way too liberal for The Cowboy State. Our county will soon be home to 1000,000 people, about one in every six Wyoming residents. The legislature meets annually in Cheyenne. Legislators are here now, crafting regressive bills that embarrasses us progressives and makes our fellow Dems in Denver shake their heads.

A rural Republican from Baggs, Sen. Larry Hicks, offers SJR 4 which would roll back equal protections for people based on "their race, sex, color, ethnicity or national origin." You could call this resolution "Make Wyoming White Again" which, of course, it already is. But just across the border in Colorado, swarthy liberals wait to snatch your state job or your entrance slot to the University of Wyoming Law School. This effectively closes the border to all of those well-educated ethnic minorities who energize Colorado's economy. Hicks and his Know Nothings' co-sponsors also want (in SF 71) to "penalize electricity providers if they continue to sell power to consumers that is generated by wind or solar energy in Wyoming," according to a staff editorial in this morning's Wyoming Tribune Eagle. It goes on: "To suggest charging utilities...a penalty for using renewable energy where the sun shines more than 300 days a year and the wind blows constantly is just insane." Yes it is. My subtitle for this bill: "Make Coal Great Again."

Monday, of course, is Martin Luther King, Jr., Day. It is a national holiday. Wyoming must not be part of the nation as the legislature insists on working this day while it recesses for Presidents Day on Feb. 20. This not surprising in an august body that turned down Sen. Liz Byrd's bill to recognize the MLK holiday eight time before finally caving in, but only if "Wyoming Equality Day" was added to the title. Even then, our rural legislators were concerned about hordes of ethnic minorities streaming across the border and claiming seats in the Capitol that properly belonged to white folks.

Other rural Repubs are offering bills to allow people to carry guns everywhere, even into college classrooms and sporting events. It would allow guns into all government meetings including those of the legislature. Rep. Biteman of Ranchester is point man on these efforts. I suppose he will be the first one to carry a sidearm into a legislative committee meeting next year, as these people never seem to be voted out of office.

I am used to reporting on the nutty things that Republicans do in our one-party state. You can read some of my earlier columns by going here and here. Now I have to keep up with happenings on the national scene with the dawn of Trumplandia. This story is from the New York Daily News:

A conservative Arizona lawmaker, Rep. Bob Thorpe, is proposing a far-reaching law in Arizona, House Bill 2120, banning virtually every college event, activity or course which discusses social justice, skin privilege, or racial equality. Violating the law would allow the state of Arizona to levy multimillion-dollar fines and penalties against universities. 

A few years ago, Arizona enacted a law that eliminated ethnic studies courses. I blogged about that here. And now this

Just the beginning, folks.

Science geek in White House signs 21st Century Cures Act

Did you know that we had a "science geek" in the White House? For now, anyway. He points us toward the future even while the incoming administration tries to drag us back into the dark ages.

When you have dealt with a family member's mental illness as long as we have -- 10 years -- you take your good news where you find it. On Tuesday, Pres. Obama signed the 21st Century Cures Act which has improving mental health care as one of its key components. In the White House video, Obama explains some of his reasoning behind signing the bill. Letters from constituents helped alert him to the pain that families were going through as they try to get help for family members as they struggle with opioid addiction, cancer and mental health issues. A Republican grandmother pleaded for help with finding the right kind of care for her mentally ill grand-daughter. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, the mental health piece was a bipartisan effort. Let's see that spirit of cooperation continue when it comes to health care, Medicare, Social Security, and the environment, which has a major impact on our health.

More info: https://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2016/12/12/3-letters-explain-why-president-obama-signing-cures-act

Republican Senator aids in "giant leap forward in fixing our broken mental health system"

U.S. Senators Chris Murphy (D-CT), Bill Cassidy (R-LA), John Cornyn (R-TX), Lamar Alexander (R-TN) and Patty Murray (D-WA).

We know that these senators are at odds about almost everything. However, they recently (Dec. 6) got together to push through HR 34, the 21st Century Cures Act.. This is the most comprehensive effort yet to address the country's mental health care system.

Here's what co-sponsor Dr. Cassidy, from the reliably red state of Louisiana, had to say:

“The 21st Century Cures Act marks a giant step forward in fixing our broken mental health system. It institutes comprehensive mental health care reform and makes resources available to the millions that have been previously denied treatment due to a lack of access. I want to thank all those who helped make mental health a priority in Congress, but I especially thank my colleague Senator Chris Murphy. We have been working together to fix our country’s broken mental health system since day one. Without him and the bipartisan effort he has brought to this legislation, we would not be here today. I urge the President to sign this bill and help the millions of individuals and families affected by mental health become whole.”

Said his co-sponsor, Sen. Murphy, from the true-blue Democratic state of Connecticut:

“This is the most comprehensive reform of our nation's mental health laws in a generation, and I'm so thrilled that we drafted it and passed it with support from both Democrats and Republicans. In Connecticut, I've met too many people struggling with mental illness who can't find the care they need, or can't get their insurance company to approve the care once they find it. This bill means millions of dollars in new treatment, and it creates a pathway to a better integrated, more coordinated system for people with serious mental illness. I’m incredibly grateful for Senator Cassidy’s partnership and friendship. He brought a doctor’s knowledge and a dogged determination to our effort, and a lot of people will be better off because of it.”

Sen. Cassidy is a physician. Do we know of any other medical doctor currently serving in the U.S. Senate? Just one comes to mind. That is Sen. John Barrasso of Casper, Wyoming. Both Cassidy and Barrasso have conspired with Mitch McConnell to sink Obamacare. Not sure what the tie-in is. If Obamacare sinks, so does access to health care by millions. Can you improve mental health care when people who most need help are deprived of insurance? 

Sen. Barrasso, of course, recently (Dec. 3) delivered the Republican weekly address on Republican plans to eliminate Obamacare. They see Trump's win as a mandate to return health care to the health care insurance conglomerates where it belongs. Remember how well that worked? Forty million Americans without health insurance, which meant a lot of your friends and family members and neighbors getting sicker while health care execs buy second or third homes in Dick Cheney's Jackson Hole neighborhood. Of course, Wyoming never okayed Medicaid Expansion which would have helped so many of those people that Sen. Barrasso claims to care about. 

I am taking the 21st Century Cures Act as a sign that Democrats and Republicans can work together on at least one issue. Time will tell.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness had this to say on the passage of HR 34: http://www.nami.org/Press-Media/Press-Releases/2016/-NAMI-Celebrates-Senate-Passage-of-HR-34. Also see NAMI on Facebook and Twitter.

Local Republicans pack 'em in at 2016 presidential caucus

Look for the sign of the blue bison.

On Tuesday, it was SRO at the presidential caucus for the Laramie County Republicans here in Cheyenne.

As of 9:39 a.m. on Wednesday, results still weren't available. Some 778 Repubs stood in line at LCCC to cast their votes for one of the remaining candidates on the national ballot: Trump, Rubio, Cruz, Kasich and Carson.

Four years ago,  when Mitt Romney appeared to have the nomination in the bag, some 170 Republicans made it out to caucus. Next step is the county convention on March 12 and then the state convention in April.

Those talking heads who say that Donald Trump is increasing voter turnout may be right. It's a pitched battle this year among establishment Republicans and maverick Republicans. Trump, the billionaire and TV star, is a maverick and leads the pack. Cruz may be wackier than The Donald, but not as eager to bloviate in the presence of the media. Rubio's Cuban heritage may help him when Florida votes on The Ides of March. Florida conservatives include those who fled Castro, the oldest commie in existence. But Miami is a hip place these days. Hipsters are not as likely to vote for Republicans as their Baby Boomer parents and grandparents. Florida is much more urban than when I was growing up there in the 1960s and 1970s, Tampa/St. Pete, Orlando, Jacksonville, Tallahassee. Florida has plenty of rural left, although it doesn't seem like it as you blast down I-4 with thousands of your closest friends eager to get away from it all on the World's Most Famous Beach. The Panhandle has much more in common with East Jesus, Alabama, than Orlando. The crackpot legislation that flows out of the Florida capitol building in Tally is akin to the crazy, ultra-conservative claptrap that issues forth from legislatures in Wyoming, Oklahoma and Mississippi

How did our local Republicans increase their caucus participation six-fold? With no incumbent, it's a wide-open field. At one point, 13 Repuibs were in the race. Debates started last fall, which helped to get people's attention. The media's nightly parade of Trumpisms never lets us forget who's in the driver's seat. In 2012, Mitt Romney often complained he was being ignored by the media. Meanwhile, Press. Obama was on the news every day and every night. This was especially true in the campaign's waning days, when Pres. Obama was constantly shown looking presidential (with Chris Christie's help) in the wake of Superstorm Sandy. Christie looked gubernatorial; Obama looked presidential. Some Repubs are still sore at Christie for colluding with Democrats.

The 2016 Democratic caucus will be held on Saturday, April 9. Since Chris and I will be out-of-state that weekend, we will vote beforehand.  Both of us are liberal Democrats. This makes for a peaceful home most of the time. But in 2008, I worked for the Obama campaign while Chris worked for Hillary. You know that election years can be tough on those mixed marriages that pairs a D with an R. Try being in the same party working for basically the same goals but feelings strongly that your candidate can save the world and the other will lead us to Perdition, which is located somewhere between Devils Tower and Colter's Hell..

Chris and I caucused with other Dems on March 8, 2008. We voted to switch our caucus site from the VFW basement on Nationway to the downtown Civic Center. Turnout was going to be huge, said our Dem leaders. So huge that we needed one of the largest venues in Cheyenne for a caucus? You betcha.

At my first-ever Democratic caucus in 2004, barely 100 people came out to vote. John Kerry won the most delegates. I traveled alone to Sheridan to represent the left-wing contingent as a Dennis Kucinich delegate.  We held our state convention at the Sheridan Holiday Inn. Although we argued and voted and speechified in the ballroom, I've seen bigger crowds in that room. Me and my Fellow Travelers arranged for Kucinich to call in from Cleveland, his hometown. He did. Not a packed house for his call. I huddled with other Kucinich delegates. We hooted and hollered when necessary. We applauded his best lines. In case your memory of 2004 is faulty, Kucinich was a Catholic anti-war candidate and got a lot of attention in 2004. At the convention, my leftie colleagues and I proposed a series of anti-war planks to the platform. They were all voted down. Too radical. Too far out of the mainstream of our moderately conservative state party.

I was a 53-year-old voter who cast his first presidential vote at 21 for wild-eyed anti-war radical George McGovern of neighboring South Dakota. This war-hero bomber-pilot wanted to bring our troops home from Vietnam right now. Peace now -- not peace in our time, as Nixon wanted. We now know that Tricky Dick was working behind the scenes to make sure that North Vietnam did not treat U.S. peace overtures seriously.

I learned a lot at the 2004 Sheridan convention. I won't bore you here with the details. There was one big lesson: Get involved in the process earlier. This is important because those who are active in the party get to go to the state convention and -- more importantly -- the national convention which, in 2004, was held in Boston. So, I got involved in the county party and was elected as secretary -- the person who keeps the minutes. Chris and I became precinct man and woman. At the tail end of 2007, we were poised to wrest control of the presidency from Dubya. I was for Kucinich -- again -- and Chris worked for Hillary. Chris was a member of NOW during the tussle over the Equal Rights Amendment. She also worked on Patricia Schroeder's campaign for the U.S. House seat from Denver. Pat won.

We often were sidetracked by the daily necessities of life., by the challenges of raising two special needs kids. Not to mention -- work. We attended meetings and rallies and walked neighborhoods for candidates. When we attended the caucus on March 8, 2008, we stood in line with everyone else, making sure we were there in plenty of time to register for the caucus. There was some discontent when people arrived midway through the process, wanted to vote and couldn't. This time we're giving people fair warning. Be registered to vote as a Democrat by March 25 and show up at the caucus before 11 a.m. on April 9. .

During Memorial Day weekend 2008, we drove to the state convention in Jackson. Our daughter Annie rode with us. She swam in Snow King's heated outdoor pool while the snow fell. Chris and I spent the day in the convention center, caucusing with our peers. Obama received the lion's share of delegates. Hillary was a close second. We all looked forward to traveling to Denver for the national convention .

In 2016, it will be to close to call between Sanders and Clinton. I am closer to Sanders' politics than I am to Hillary's. Butt I am going to be practical and vote for Hillary so she can beat the bejesus out of Trump or whomever takes the prize on the Repub side.

Here's the lowdown on the county caucus:

Where: Plains Hotel, 1600 Central Ave, Cheyenne, WY 82001

When: Saturday April 9, 11 a.m.

Contact: info@wyodems.org to be put in touch with a local organizer

Register at the web site at http://www.wyodems.org/find-my-county-caucus

For info on the May 28 state convention in Cheyenne, go to http://www.wyodems.org/state-convention

What is on my plate for 2016

What I'm looking forward to in 2016....

Retirement. On Jan. 15, I will work my last day at the Wyoming Arts Council in Cheyenne. I was among the fortunate to have a job that I loved. I depart the WAC on the eve of its 50th birthday, which comes up in 2017. It has nurtured the arts throughout the state. Sure, I'm a liberal artsmonger, but Wyoming's cultural world would not be what it is today without all of us working toward the same goals. It took me awhile to shut up and listen when I went into communities, to find out what their residents wanted instead of telling them what was best. This is a good strategy for all of us. In fact, if I were asked for my hard-earned advice on the matter, I would reply, "Just listen."

Publishing. I have a roomful of written work awaiting publishing. To date, I have published one book of short stories and numerous stories and essays in magazines and journals. But there remains a lot of work that's yet to see the light of day and the eyeballs of readers. Suire, I've been sending stuff out. But the act of writing is comprised of several full-time jobs. First, the creation. Second, the publishing. Third, the promotion. During my career as a professional writer/editor/bureaucrat, I've been able to do the creation part. But those other two parts? Not so much. It was fascinating to hear Kent Nelson's publishing strategy at last summer's Wyoming Writers, Inc., conference in Cheyenne. Kent, a one-time squash champion and lapsed attorney, keeps his stories circulating, up to 20 at a time. When one is rejected, he sends it back out into the world. In this way, he's managed to publish many books and scores of stories. But it takes time, and attention, and that's what I plan to do with my new-found time and my lagging attention span.

Presidential elections. Yes, I also cringe when I think about it. Republican bloviators such a Trump make me fear for the future of our republic. "Make America Hate Again" is not a winning slogan. As one who has blogged frequently about the paranoid excesses of U.S. conservatives, I am not surprised that Trump has found a footing among them. Scared Old White People (SOWP) make up his base. As an Old White Person (OWP) myself, I am glad to report that I am not among the scaredy-cats.

Traveling. I have traveled extensively in the U.S., at least traipsing through all of the states in the lower 48. But I've only been overseas twice. I plan to remedy that in retirement, with trips planned to Italy and Mexico with more to come. Chris and I are curious travelers. Maybe I should say that, as travelers, we value curiosity. When we find ourselves in a new place, we like to roam around and check it out. Never know what you'll find.