Welcome to Wyoming (a.k.a. Halliburtonland)

Garrison Keillor proposes in a Nov. 29 guest column for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer that, in order to form a more perfect union, we should get rid of Wyoming.

That’s right. He says that governmental reform should begin with rethinking the idea of two senators per state. Instead of eliminating the senators, we should just eliminate certain states. "First of all, is there a reason for Wyoming to exist as a state? I have often wondered about this. Why give two Senate seats to half a million dime-store cowboys while California gets two seats for 34 million people? (Wyoming has roughly the population of Sacramento.) It’s O.K. if Wyoming sends somebody with brains and an independent streak, but when they send a couple of Republican hacks, it makes no sense."

Garrison is a kidder – we all know that. He isn’t a dime-store cowboy, but he does play one on his radio show. Wyoming has sent senators to D.C. who have brains and an independent streak. The two senators we have now don’t fit in that category. Our representative is even worse, but we’ll tackle Barbara Cubin when we have more time.

Keillor’s solution is to "make Wyoming a federal protectorate and appoint an overseer. This would be a good assignment for Halliburton. It’s done a heck of a job in Iraq, and let’s give it Wyoming and, while we’re at it, Alaska."

I hate to burst Garrison’s bubble, but Halliburton invaded Wyoming years ago. At this stage, the company has only nominal control of our roads, our gas and oil fields, and our legislature. More than once I’ve had the scary experience of confronting a Halliburton convoy along a lonely stretch of Wyoming highway. It’s eerie to go down to the free continental breakfast at your Days Inn and find the place swarming with Halliburton troops. You have to wonder how there could be so many in Gillette when they’ve got whole battalions working in Iraq. Recruiting must be good these days. And let’s not forget former Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney is from Casper, Wyoming (a.k.a. Oil City, a.k.a. The Halliburton Hangout).

In the article, Garrison goes on to attach Utah to Nevada and "make a lovely little desert nation." He wants to make Idaho part of Montana and merge North and South Dakota into one state called West Minnesota. This is an inside joke for "Prairie Home Companion" fans who know that Garrison’s from a fictional town in Minnesota and that Minnesotans always make fun of North Dakotans because they talk funny and wear weird hats.

Once all the changing around is complete, Garrison would parcel out the leftover Senate seats to ex-presidents and other "wise counselors" who can improve the level of discourse and enliven the proceedings. It’s an intriguing plan, one that looks pretty good after suffering Republican fools such as George Allen, Rick Santorum, Trent Lott, Bill Frist, and a whole gallery of others. But wait. Those fools are no longer in power. Let’s give the new Democratic majority a chance. Check back with us in two years. We then may be ready for West Minnesota and the Benevolent Federal Protectorate of Wyoming.