Saturday, July 02, 2011

Olyeller clashes with Olblue

Tea Party Slim has recreation on his mind this Fourth of July weekend.

"Glendo?" I asked, mentioning a state park about 90 miles north of Cheyenne.

Slim sneered. "Too many Greenies."

I nodded. "We should put up a southern border fence."

Slim looked pensive. "Might work -- just a fence to keep out the Liberals. Colorado's crawling with them."

I laughed. "A fence with a Liberal detector? Turn back anyone with a pointy little head?"

"Or drinking a latte." He joined the laughter.

"Obama bumper sticker? Turn 'em around, tell 'em to get back to Boulder."

"Two Obama bumper stickers? Lock 'em up!"

"On what charge?"

Slim paused. "Reckless endangerment -- of Wyoming's citizens."

"DUI: Driving Under the Influence -- of Liberal Ideas."

A real knee-slapper. Slim slapped his knee. "Aiding and abetting -- terrorists."

I ceased laughing. "See Slim, there you go ruining a good time by going all Tea Party on me."


"And we were having such a good time together bashing Colorado Liberals."

Slim tried to make amends. "Look, I was just..."

"Heard it all before, Slim. Obama is soft on terrorists. He may be one himself, seeing as he's from Kenya and his father was a Muslim. Isn't that the Tea Party line?"

"There's no Tea Party line," Slim said, looking defensive. "We're not a political party so we don't have a party line."

"That's true," I said. "Let's just say that those are typical Tea Party talking points."

"We don't have talking points."

"Yelling points?"

Slim smiled. "I just yelled once at a town hall meeting last year and now I'm a yeller?"

"Ol' Yeller?"

"That's a pretty good Twitter handle."

"I'll steer clear of your posts."

"C'mon Mike, I'll be olyeller and you can be Ol' Blue, as in blue state."

I stared at Slim. "Not bad -- Ol' Blue. But it sounds a bit like the name of a hound dog some Alabama KKK guy would own. 'Sic 'em, Blue, sic that pointy-headed Liberal. Get that colored fella next."

Slim slapped me on the back like some Alabama KKK guy. "I love joshin' with you Olblue, but I have to get rolling. The misses and the RV are waiting."

"Where are you going?

"It's a secret."

"State park?"


"National park? National forest?"


"BLM land?"

"None of those. A bunch of us own some land up around Laramie Peak. Private land, so we can recreate in peace."

I imagined a forest grove with a dozen RVs circled up like Conestogas. Slim and his fellow Tea Party windbags sat by the fire roasting Obamacare and big gubment. The little women were barefoot (too old to be pregnant) and busy cooking and cleaning and cutting firewood. I wondered what circle of Dante's Inferno this would be.

"You have fun, Slim. While you're recreating in the mountains, the Liberal misses and I will be plotting the overthrow of the U.S. Government."

"Hey," he said, standing tall, "that's our job."

Photo: Tea Party Slim is out there somewhere, plotting mischief. Photo of WY Shirley Rim/Hwy. 77 (used under Creative Commons license).

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