Saturday, March 26, 2011

Tea Party Slim is rested and ready for June rally

Tea Party Slim is back from his travels and looking forward to the big June 15 Cheyenne T.E.A. Party Movement rally in front of the State Capitol Building.

“It’s been a good year for freedom,” said Slim. “That’s Freedom with a capital F.”

“At least you can spell,” I quipped.

Slim glared at me. “That’s all the media could talk about – misspellings on signs at Tea Party rallies. Fat lot of good it did in the 2010 elections. Tea Party candidates won across the board.”

“Good point,” I said. “The Tea Party is ridicule-proof.”

“Damn straight. You elitists can make fun of us all you want. But we show up to vote and you don’t. So we won.”

“Another good point, Slim. That’s the second time I’ve said that in as many minutes.”

He smiled. “Better get used to it.”

Slim’s skin was bronzed from his time in Arizona. I couldn’t help noticing the stitches on his forehead. “What happened there?”

He touched the wound. “ Just a little skin cancer. Doctor thought it looked suspicious so she dug it out. Thank God for the V.A.”

“You can thank me and all the taxpayers for the V.A. We’re glad to oblige.”

“We served our country and we deserve medical care.”

“I’m just noting that it was taxpayer-supported medical care. I may be an elitist, but I pay my taxes.”

“Too many taxes,” he growled.

“That may be, but without taxes there wouldn’t be a military and there would be no military benefits like the V.A.”

“My turn to agree,” he said. “I’ve paid my share of taxes over the years.”

“We all have. All of us except for the rich and big corporations.”

“Don’t start with the class war stuff. Big corporations pay plenty of taxes. Besides, a lot of those companies are defense contractors. We wouldn’t have the best-equipped military in the world if it wasn’t for them.”

“General Electric earned $14.2 billion in 2010 but paid no U.S. taxes. A New York Times report said that the corporation had a negative U.S. tax rate last year, getting a $3.2 billion tax benefit. During the last five years, GE made $26 billion in what it lists as American profits, but got the IRS to write it a $4.1 billion check. So we’re paying G.E.’s share of taxes.”

“I don’t trust the New York Times. Where did it get its information? Probably from some disgruntled overpaid former employee.”

“Public records,” I said.

“The IRS? I don’t trust them.”

“Do you know how G.E. got out of paying taxes? It lends to foreign companies, which means American taxpayers indirectly subsidize those foreign loans. Meanwhile, G.E. is slashing its U.S. workforce and sending jobs overseas.”

“All companies have to make a profit. To compete, they send the jobs to countries where labor costs are lower. Everybody knows that.”

“Maybe so. But why do you and I have to subsidize these businesses? Shouldn’t they be left to the free market that you Tea Partiers love so much? And we’re paying taxes when they aren’t. And they’re closing factories and putting tax-paying Americans out of work.” I paused to catch my breath.

Slim glared at me. “That’s the problem with you pointy-headed intellectuals. You hate the businesses that made America great. But you love the IRS. And the New York Times.”

I was tempted to unleash a barrage of ridicule at Slim. But what good would it do? The Tea Party is ridicule-proof and logic-proof. “Hope your forehead heals up soon,” I said.

He touched his wound again. “I have an appointment at the Cheyenne V.A. tomorrow. Doc will take out the stitches -- and give me my annual physical.”

“I wish you good health,” I said. “Want to be in tip-top shape for that June Tea Party anti-tax rally.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he concluded.

Photo from Cheyenne Tea Party rally, March 2009


Christine McCreedy said...

I always love stopping over to hear what you have to say. Is Slim a real person? I totally respect his privacy, love the humor, just want to know if he's real.

Michael Shay said...

I can only say this: Slim is as real as I am.

Ken McCauley said...

Mike, I don't often LOL when reading blogs, but this one cracked me up!

I think it is also the start of a great short story, perhaps titled, "The Problem with Mr. Slim."