Monday, June 09, 2008

Rep. Barbara Cubin: "Best and Brightest?"

That's the question many Wyomingites were asking when we read that Cubin earned the "Best and Brightest" award. She has rarely been accused of being the brightest bulb in the pack. As for the "best" label, her own party has been working feverishly to unseat her during the last two election cycles. She eked out a victory against Democrat Gary Trauner in 2006, with many Republicans crossing over to vote against her.

Even though Rep. Cubin owns the worst attendance record in Congress, the American Conservative Union (ACU) gave Cubin its "Best and Brightest" award over the weekend. The reason? Rep. Cubin's stellar conservative voting record (when she does show up). She earned a perfect score of 100 (and a gold star) for voting according to the tenets held dear by the ACU. You can probably guess what they are. Cubin voted against funding for stem-cell research and Planned Parenthood. Any vote for stem-cell research is obviously a vote for science, which is roundly opposed by the Right Wing, especially the Rapture Right. Scientific inquiry can lead to questions about the very nature of our existence: "You mean that T-Rex and Noah didn't walk the earth together?"

Planned Parenthood is another Right-Wing target. Family planning is a personal issue, they say, best left up to wise counselors such as the Man of the House, the male ministers who run the local 10,000-member evangelical church, and God himself, who speaks directly to church leaders on these matters. Planned Parenthood gets in the way, with all its pills and potions and (Help me Jesus!) abortion advice.

Lest you think that Cubin spent all her time voting no, the ACU points out some of its favorite issues that she supported. She supports the border fence, which is designed to be stout and tall so that illegal immigrants (a.k.a. "Mexicans") can't knock down the fence with tanks borrowed from al-Qaeda and steal U.S. jobs in the very popular and competitive fruit-picking industry. Rep. Cubin also earned the eternal thanks of the ACU by voting for bills establishing English as the official U.S. language.

As you can see, the world may change but the Right Wing holds on tightly to issues that have no relevance in a world where energy costs are sky-rocketing, food shortages run rampant, global warming threatens our future, and dingbats push us into needless wars. As we speak of dinosaurs, we should note that the age of political dinosaurs is nearly over. Good-bye, Rep. Cubin. Good-bye, George W. Bush. Good-bye, Rapture Right. So long -- it hasn't been good to know you.

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