Monday, June 23, 2008

"Elephant Tipping Made Easy"

There's a new activity in town for all of you Wyoming Democrats who thought that cow tipping was the ultimate in contact sports.

Elephant tipping is sweeping the nation and has finally come to the Cowboy State. On Tuesday, June 24, 7 p.m., Mike Bell will discuss "Elephant Tipping Made Easy" at the monthly meeting of the Laramie County Democrats at the Historic Plains Hotel in downtown Cheyenne.

Learn the five foolproof ways to get the drop on your local pachyderm. Most Dems mistakenly try to sneak up on elephants -- the stealth approach. As it turns out, the direct head-on encounter is best. Stare the beast in his beady eyes and be aggressive, even when the elephant lashes out with his trunk or tries to crush you with his massive feet. Stand your ground and bellow "E Pluribus Unum" at the tops of your lungs. That -- and eye contact -- will make the beast back down. He will be gentle as a lamb, and you can tilt him over on his backside as if he were made of feathers. He will jump up, tuck his tail between his legs, and retreat into the jungle from whence he came, never to bother civilized society again.

If I give too much away on these pages, you won't bother to come out and learn the other skills involved in "Elephant Tipping Made Easy." See you Tuesday night.

NOTICE: No elephants were hurt during the composing of this blog post. No donkeys, either. The Laramie County Democrats and the Wyoming Democratic Party do not condone the so-called sport of cow tipping or elephant tipping or any other kind of pastime in which an animal is upended.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: No harm to actual animals was intended. All references to elephants are purely metaphoric.

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