But the waves will be bitchin'

An old Saturday Night Live skit had Father Guido Sarducci presenting the Church’s predictions for the coming year. The bad news, said the Good Father, was that a major earthquake would cause California to fall into the ocean. The good news: "The waves will be bitchin’."

Maybe that’s the best we can hope for with global warming. The beaches at Malibu will be under water (as will all the stars’ homes), but the waves breaking on the slopes of the Malibu Hills will be bitchin’. On the opposite coast, Florida’s Cape Canaveral will be under water. Perhaps the old launch facilities will become a sanctuary for fish and a scuba divers’ paradise. There’s already an underwater state park in the Florida keys – John Pennekamp Coral Reef near Key Largo. In a century, it may expand to become Florida Keys Underwater State Park. Perhaps those mutant cats that prowl Hemingway’s old Key West house will be replaced by mutant salt-water catfish.

Seth Borenstein of the AP reported Sunday on the latest forecast for rising sea levels. Here’s his summary:

Global warming – through a combination of melting glaciers, disappearing ice sheets and warmer waters expanding – is expected to cause oceans to rise by one meter, or about 39 inches. It will happen regardless of any future actions to curb greenhouse gases, several leading scientists say. And it will reshape the nation. That's the troubling outlook projected by coastal maps reviewed by The Associated Press. The maps, created by scientists at the University of Arizona, are based on data from the U.S. Geological Survey. Few of the more than two dozen climate experts interviewed disagree with the one-meter projection. Some believe it could happen in 50 years, others say 100, and still others say 150.

The house I grew up in in Daytona Beach, Florida, just half a block from the beach, will now be beachfront property. We don’t own it any more, and I guess that’s a good thing, as sea levels will only keep rising.

It’s not only Florida and California that will be affected. All the coastlines of the world will take a hit. Popular spring break sites such as South Padre Island and most of the Mexican coastal resorts may close, forcing collegians to stay on campus and study.

The good news: property located far inland will take on a new importance. Wyoming will become the center of the universe. I shall open a surf shop in Cheyenne, and wait patiently for the seas to arrive. I’ll have to be really patient, as it may not be for another millennium or so. Something to leave the great-great-great-great-great grandkids.

More resources, courtesy of the AP:

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency on sea level: http://tinyurl.com/2df72n
The U.S. Geological Survey on sea level rise and global warming: http://woodshole.er.usgs.gov/project-pages/cvi/University
University of of Arizona's interactive maps on sea level rise: http://tinyurl.com/ca73h
Architecture 2030 study on one-meter sea level rise and cities:
http://www.architecture2030.org/current_situation/coastal_impact.html