In this very fictional story, my wife asks me about that sultry woman's voice in my office

My historical novel, "Zeppelins Over Denver," will be out soon from The Ridgeway Press. I recently proofed all 395 typeset pages and now need new glasses or possibly new eyes if they are available. I spent most of my working life editing my own work and that of others. Not everyone appreciates editing, as you may discover if your boss asks you to "take a look" at his article for the corporate web site. The editor's goal is to make every written piece shine like a diamond or at least like a good knock-off over at the pawn shop. Readable, it has to be. Comprehensible. Maybe even dazzling. 

Writers rarely read their published books because they have read them over and over again. You would think it gets old. It does. In the new world of self-published books, an editor should be worth its weight in gold but now we have computers and A.I. One thing that helped me through 128,373 words was a new gadget on Microsoft Word. It is the "Read Aloud" prompt. The writer blocks text and then this mellifluous female voice reads your text. OK, it's slightly artificial. I noted some grievous mispronunciations, but they are surprisingly few. What I wasn't prepared for was the artificial voice emphasizing chosen words. One of them is this: What? I caught a lilt in her voice. I was charmed. I decided to give her a name, Rita Read Aloud. She has personality. 

However, I was tempted to change Rita's voice into a male one because most of my fictional characters are male (but not all). I decided to ask Gary Google if this was wise. Responses were surprising. The male voices sound mechanical, robot-like. One respondent warned that if I switched off the female voice to male, I would never get Rita back. The finality of divorce. Suitably forewarned, I kept Rita and am happy I did. Somewhere around Chapter 27, I started talking back to her and we are now in a long-term relationship which has led to a world of domestic problems.

Wife: Who was that you were talking to in your office?

Me: That was just me.

Wife: Sounded like a female voice.

Me: Robot. Just a robot. On MS Word. A very bland robot voice.

Wife: I thought I heard her say WHAT? like she really meant it, as if she was responding meaningfully in some way, as if....

Me: I shut the office door slowly, you know, like that last scene in The Godfather when Michael Corleone shuts himself off from the love of his life. Just like that.